Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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