Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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