i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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