quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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