How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
