I am full of burrito and curiosity
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
