Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
