you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
