oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
