The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
a search helicopter?!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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