If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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