just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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