Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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