You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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