I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
