fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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