Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
