I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
