i may or may not be watching the land before time
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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