I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
