this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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