I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
