I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
