thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
