She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
