i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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