3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
