I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
