Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
