sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
