My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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