Me. At least after what I've been through.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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