He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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