i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
