ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
