Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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