Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
my poor anus
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
