She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
