Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
