I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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