I am puke
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
