so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
