Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
