Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
