I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
