we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
