McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
