I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my shit smells like andre
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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