I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
