I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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