Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
