ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
