ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
