It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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