My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
A bitchslap is in order.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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