Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
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