I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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